My wife and I have been discussing having a baby. This is a particularly scary concept for me. I don’t know why. I don’t know where I got that idea. But I do know that it scares the crap outa me.
There are a few things that I can think have that bring some light to this. A few years ago a friend of mine got his girlfriend pregnant. They stopped seeing each other soon there after. (I have reason to believe that this isn’t in direct relation, but then again it could be.) Also as I grew up I have been hammered to not have premarital sex and "ruin" my life with a baby. I know that last bit was about having a baby out of wedlock but I still can’t shake it.
This has become a real problem. My wife and I have been going rounds about this and I am my wits ends. I want to make her happy but I feel like I am at a cliff's edge. Should I just jump? If I did would I am doing it just for her? Should I hold back? But then would I lose my wife in the process? And already I know what you're thinking: "if she really loved you she would stay with you if you needed more time." And you're right. But I have been pushing this for almost 2 years without a definite answer. She deserves better than this but what can I do? I really need guidance.
Have any men out there felt this way? Any fathers have anxiety about having your first kid? Thanks.
Just hang in there man, everything will work out for the best man. As I’m childless the only thing I could mention for advice is to make sure you are both absolutely ready, both mentally, physically, and finacianly. If you aren’t it will be jsut a major headache and full of arguments( I have seen this first hand with a couple close relatives , and thats no good. If you need to talk or jsut vent man you know how to reach me.And good luck I know everythign will work out for the best in the end with you guys.
Brandon,
It is perfectly normal to be afraid.
You know you are crazy about kids and that is all that matters. You are ready to be a daddy. I say that if you are having doubts, pray over it, sleep over it, and you will get an answer. Just remember back to camp, all the fun you had with those kids…it is a million times cooler when it’s your kid.
Peace
Good luck if you decide to go ahead.
Thanks guys. Its really hard because my wife is really ready. I mean REALLY ready. And we are so young, but isnt that the time to have kids? My parents had me at 20. Shane I know that you have a son, were you nervous at the prospect being the one that will mold his life? If my children fail it will be because of my guidance. Thats the things that run through my mind.
I remember camp though. I was a counselor for many summers. Lots of fun. I will be a good dad oneday.
Ok man first off you and Lacey are too good of people to fail at raising kids. Taht will not happen. I honestly think you guys are ready but I thinka stable career for you ( whether it be at your current job or a new one ) should be first and foremost. Taht way you wont have to worry about not making ends meet and you will have money saved. I think you should figure out what exactly you and Lacey want for careers and stick with those for 2 or 3 more years and save a good chunk of money before you have a kid. Buying a house would be ideal first but everyone knows thats not always the case. I say this cuz I have seen what can happen when couple dont have anything saved and are living paycheck to paycheck or saving very little form each paycheck. It can become extremely stressful when you dont have money to do anything for yourselves or to be able to hang out with your friends once a month or so. And while I agree 99% of your moeny should go to raising a kid, you and Lacey have to have time for just you two and time to hang out with friends away from your little bundle of joy. I cant make this perfectly clear on my thoughts as I am at a loss for words, it would become crystal clear to you guys if you decide to talk to me about it as I’m a better speaker than writer. I wish you two the best of luck and cant wiat to be ‘ Uncle Grik ‘ to Brandon JR. =)
Grik
Brandon, as you have probably seen from my blog…I kinda like being a Dad. Actually, there are few things in this world that I enjoy more. Somone once told me that there is nothing in this world that will cost you less and return more. They obvioulsy didn’t look at the cost of education….but I digress….
I would tell you that if there is any father out there that says they were “ready” then they either didn’t know any better, or were lying. Either way, I don’t think you can ever really be ready for children. We have 3 of them and not once has the hospital given is a manual or help! But, you find your way thorugh it. You will learn about who you are, who your spouse is and in the process, find a part a part of yourself you never knew existed.
Make sure that you and your wife have had time to define YOUR relationship. Once the foundation is there, the children fall right into place. Thus the waiting until you are married part. Good luck whatever you decide. At least you know you have AT LEAST 9 months from the time you decide to get ready for it!!
I agree I think that as a man, will probably never feel “ready” to have a kid, but like Grik said, you guys are “too good of people” to screw it up. I think having a set career is pretty important though too, a solid income is going to be pretty important when you guys started getting squeezed for money for all the little assortments that go along with that, especially since Lacey will most likely not be working during the time.
I think the most important thing though is to pray through it with a truly open heart and mind between the both of you. And don’t sweat it too much, things will figure themselves out, God won’t leave ya hangin. =)
And jesse that’s the key right there. God hasnt left me hanging yet.
Brandon,
I’m so proud that you have come as far as you have. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too, whether or not I show it. But I married you for so many reasons. One of those being that you are my absolute best friend in the world. And if there’s one person in the world that I can share this amazing experience with you are it. I have no doubt in my mind that you are going to be an awsome father. You just need to decide that you want it. God will provide the money and stability. He ALWAYS has. All you have to provide is the faith. I can’t wait to begin this life-long adventure with you, my partner and soulmate. I love you.